When is it ok to tell the opposite sex that they are BAD at SEX?I was having this very interesting conversation with my homeboy today and he was relating to me that the girl presently in his life is not ‘doing it’ for him. His complaints were that she is laid back in bed and she never wants to do anything exciting, her ‘blow-job’ game is sadly lacking and she cannot ‘ride’ to save her life. The simplest of things that is needed to satisfy a man, granted that a man can get a nut on his own, but when involved whether it be in a serious or casual relationship, men have needs too women and we need to understand and satisfy those needs to continue being the HBIB (Head Bitch in Bed) or make room for The Bitch Who Will.
My advice was plain and simple. LET HER KNOW!!! Hopefully she will be open enough to take it in and try to improve herself before she makes the mistake with another dude. He vehemently refused saying that it will hurt her feelings and she may feel bad. He cannot do it. I decided to share my own related experience.
I was in a situation like that and I choose to let my dissatisfaction be known. It would have been a waste of time to continue letting him gnaw at my vagina or to pretend as if him licking my urethra instead of my clitoris was stimulating or providing me some sort of pleasure besides making me feel to ‘pee’. That was as far as he got before my lack of patience won out and I just pushed his head away and sat up with an expression that sure spoke of my displeasure. I toned it down to explain to him what he was doing wrong and how it felt. At first he was a little taken aback and angry but I made him understand that if I didn’t tell him and let him continue it would have been worse and he would have never known that what he thought was ‘good’ in bed really was not.
He absorbed my words and after the ranting ego moment (he was hurt that I would tell him that and no other woman had no complaint and he always have it going on and I must be out of mind to think that he don’t know what he doing when his dick was incredible and if I blind not to notice his dick was of exceptional size) which I let him have to get it off his chest (either that or humiliate him with my outburts of laughter), his reception to the conversation went smoothly. I guided him through what would please me which he took in with such ardor and performed with greedy passion like a student intent on gratifying the teacher. After the first orgasm from his love-making to my ‘core’ he proceeded to show me just how of exceptional size his dick was. Little guided words of where I liked it, how fast or how slow he should infiltrate and move, turn me over or pick me up, this position or that, was all he needed. He performed like a true ‘dapper’ and was exceedingly proud of himself when we were finished. I was thoroughly satisfied to the extent where we had more teaching sessions later on where I showed him just how good of an educator I really was.
Not all situations may result like the one I had. I still maintain that if your partner is not pleasing you sexually, you should let them know. They would either be the mature individual and take the criticism and progress or turn away like a dupe and go on thinking they know what to do in the bedroom.
What would you do if you in a situation like my homeboy?
**Maia Note Well**
10 comments:
hahaha...very interesting!
I think people should definitely communicate their likes and dislikes in a relationship. For one, not everyone has the same preference and every partner is different, so communicating whether or not your partner is satisfying you sexually is important. However, I don't think many partners are intellectual mature enough to have this discussion without their egos being bruised. Plus, I think most men [and this is a really broad statement] would rather have the sexual dissatisfaction than have no sex at all. So rocking the "sexually hypothetical boat" with their partner is not a real option for many of us.
I'm not taking that chance, but feel free to tell me what makes you feel good, I'll do what it takes to make you happy and use that knew bit of knowledge to woo the next chic and make her happy too...lol. Thanks for the advice.
Overall, I like this one *MAIA*. Thought it was a bit long at first, but well worth the read. Kudos to you!!!
i didnt read anything but that first sentence ... so ill read the rest later and then respond accordingly ... but for the 1st statement ... "when was it ok the tell the opposite sex they are bad at Sex"
Its ok when you dont either wish to be with them for again or if you dont really intend on fhukin with them again. So its always ok in my book!!
I have never been much of a sugar coater (but you can tell them nicely), but ill def be that guy who tells a chick she is either not it or not as good as she thinks. The prob with women is yall tend not to tell these bum niggas they are WACK, the whole fake orgasm shyt has totally go out of hand. Dudes dont want to tell chicks because they want to beat again, but why you want to beat again if it was wack?? Thats just backwards to me ... but i guess thats just me!
I hope my comment had something to do with the actual blog, if not, the first queistion got me!
The first time I had an encounter with a female with bad sex it ruined the whole mood, she was just riding me like, no pattern, no type of technique, literally just doing whatever, in those first minutes of fucking configuration, I had figured out she didn't know wtf she was doing. She said she was experienced but hell I couldn't tell, I then stopped the intercourse, got dressed and told her she just wasn't ready for someone as advanced as me, haven't called her crappy ass back since then. Bad sex is such a turn off, just like fucking ugly people, I just can't do it. If you don't have good sex, our relationship won't even work out and I'm not going to waste my time with an individual who can please me sexually. It could be because I'm just a sexual person so yeah the shit just wouldn't work out, tell em on the spot.
I can say I'm perfectly satsified with the person I do have intercourse with now, she really has what I call the WET WET AKA THE GOOD GOOD! The fact that shit is so damn good, make a brotha just wanna do right sometimes.
"he was hurt that I would tell him that and no other woman had no complaint and he always have it going on and I must be out of mind to think that he don’t know what he doing when his dick was incredible and if I blind not to notice his dick was of exceptional size"
LMAO ... why did I literally HEAR you saying this exact part?
Anywho, I've literally taught some men - ok maybe not some - but this one particular dude how to eat my damn pussy... I mean I liked him at the time and he was so certain that he knew what he was doing. It was kinda cute at first ... then after an immeasurable amount of cum-free nights, I couldn't do it anymore and decided that we as a team, were gonna work together and make this 'eating' thing happen the right way. After a few trial and errors, he became a decent pussy eater. I mean, he'd get just an honorable mention in my book.
It's always ok to let your partner know you aren't satisfied or what he/she could do to make the situation better. I was idiotic for not letting him know early on that his oral approach was abominable. Why should I subject myself to bad sex? To avoid hurting your feelings? Nope. I'm not that girl anymore. I'm a woman now with increasing needs that must be met and I need my man to fulfill those needs abundantly!
Karrie.
I think that you have to be honest and open with what you want in the bedroom. No one is a mind reader especially men. lol.
But I think when you express how you feel about their performance the hurt feelings come in, with the way you say it. In your story you could have easily said what you said to us to him but you approached it differently. And although he was taken aback he wasn't insulted to where it put a damper on the relationship.
So I say tell her in a way that she will be receptive of.
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm just going to sit back and read the comments from the guys b/c I can't stop laughing right now.
Lol @ this blog. Telling someone they are bad at sex is such a very sensitive topic sometimes. I'm all for being straight forward and honest.
However, I found myself in a situation with a dude who seemed to be very inexperienced when it came to "The Business". So inexperienced that he busted a nut by me merely touching the tip of his penis with my hand. I was not jerking it or anything..it was just a touch of the tip and he exploded. Although I was VERYYYY turned off, I felt so bad because he tried to hide what happened and I played it off like I didn't see it to save him any further embarrassment. He was and still is a very sweet guy.
However, if it is someone I don't have intentions on being with seriously, I just don't bother with them anymore. I get turned off easily and that's when the phone calls stop with no explanations...lol.
If for some reason I still want you and your sex game is not on point, then I will tell you what makes me feel good.
INDIE
Ahhhh this subject is always a hard one to approach. If its someone you genuinely care about and what to have a future with, you have to be careful on how you come out with it...Now if its someone your just FUCKING, just move on!! Not everyone can handle being told their WACK in the bedroom.
Honesty is the best policy, but some topics have to be carefully thought out first before being discussed.
Miss Dior!!
I've been in a situation like that before, with a guy who was trying to please me orally and I've never been one to easily hide discomfort and disgust.
I was definitely in the mood before he went down but as he began to do what he claimed to know...I dead ass found myself watching tv. He did everything but turn me on and I unfortunately hurt his ego the same way he hurt my vagina.
Let's keep in mind that I'm a virgin and although I haven't had any major action...I'm not ignorant to what it should feel like, so I asked him, "you know nothing about foreplay?" He responded, "yea, what do you know about it, you're a virgin?" WTF does that mean? He's a dude who asked to do me that way, and correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't you come prepared if you ask to be put in a situation like that? I asked him "where'd you get your technique?" he says..."watching pornos" [I just couldn't!]
Skipping Details...I hurt that pride, he was aggy, got dressed and wanted to leave...
"BYE LANCE"
You gotta keep it funky. Some people are open to receiving criticism and others just can't take it. I'm not telling you to be as mean as I unintentionally was but hiding stuff like that won't hurt anyone but yourself.
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