1.02.2009

FALLING...The sounds of your heart


If you haven’t been keeping up with my true life experience with my first journey down road of FALLING, click HERE for FALLING.


Click HERE for FALLING…The Morning After. You have to stay up-to-date with this one. Will I get my heart broken? Will Mr. Man get over his fears and eventually give me his heart. If I can’t tell Mr. Man how I feel, then I have to tell you.


I always watch you undress before you get into the shower. I'm

mesmerized by you. I analyze every inch of your body while wishing
I could tell you how I really feel. It gets harder and harder to
keep up this front as if I don't strongly feel for you. I continue
to act as if I'm not FALLING for your mental,your physical, your
heart, your soul...your flaws and all.

I've never truly fell. With all these new and unfamiliar emotions I
experience when I'm with you, my heart gets more and more anxious.
I watch you walk away from the bedroom to the kitchen in all your
manliness and ask God “Please just let it be...let it be...him".
Tears begin to well up in my eyes because my heart fills with so
much emotion as I type this. When you’re FALLING and you’re trying
to fight it, it’s like stress on your heart. It’s like a burden on
your soul that will get heavier as you keep your feelings a secret.

Mr. Man, for you to know what I truly feel, I fear that I will never
see you again due to your own fears of FALLING. I drift off into my
own thoughts of you. I think just as much about you when I'm in your
presence than when I'm not.

Damn...You just spotted me in a trance...completely paralyzed by my
own thoughts of you. "What?” you ask me. I snap out of the trance at
the sound of your voice and "Huh", is all I can respond with. We
settle into bed for the night to begin another work week the next
day. You put in a movie for us to fall asleep to. I'm so tired. I
already know I won't last another 30 minutes being awake.


I lay my head on your chest and I feel your heart beating. I adjust
my head on your chest to not only feel the beating of your heart but
to hear it. My head and ear are now perfectly aligned. It’s the
sweetest sound that I have ever heard before closing my eyes. I
peacefully drift off to the soothing music of your heart.


Your Flaws & All…Breathe In...Breathe Out...Inhale...Exhale...

as I drift into sleep...
I'm FALLING.

*INDIE*

11 comments:

aRRe said...

Way too deep for my blood lol [at this point and time at least]. I'm actually on the come up from a bad fall [GOTS TO BE MORE CAREFUL..I GUESS].I loved [thinks about it a bit]...I love* him, everything about him. What he does to me is inexplicable and the fact that he knows this and has yet to give me the response that I'm looking for caused me to pick myself up.
I was only looking for the truth, which was Yes..I love you too or I think it's best for us to be friends. Instead, I got hugs, kisses, and other things that took a tugged on my emotions, causing me to believe that maybe there was a chance. I've dubbed what we shared a "game", one that I was forced to forfeit.

Love is a crazy thing...

RAEthoven said...

whew...i feel like im on the verge of this now. love can really take a toll on you. its like a drug...you really try to keep your distance from it but once you get hooked on it its a wrap. and once you get "clean" you feel like you're suffering from withdrawal. i love this post !

Fab4 said...

Chi-Chi..Love is crazy. Not only is it crazy but it can make you feel like your going crazy. Especially when you begin experience feelings that you have never felt before.

Jessica R..love is definitely a burden when you can't even let the other person know what you feel because the time is just not right. So you deal with these emotions everyday as they get stronger.

A lot of people think falling in love is some fairy tale but most of the time its not. Especially for people who's loved but have never been IN LOVE before.

For those who have NEVER been in love, you have no clue what that feeling is like. So you go through this process of trying to figure it out when you begin to go through this whirlwind of different emotions that you have NEVER in your life had to deal with.

This process has not been an easy thing to deal with at all. There are many uncertainties within myself and about Mr. Man that I face daily. One thing I am not uncertain about is, Mr. Man is the only one I want and need. I will still keep him under the Mr. Right Now" category to amuse my intentions of always protecting my heart no matter how I feel. However, I will continue to pray to my God that I will be able to one day officially eliminate that "NOW" word & my only Mr. Right Now will become Mr. Right.

Unfortunately, I can't peek ahead into time. So we all will be in much suspense.

I'll keep ya posted ;-)

*INDIE*

Peggy M. said...

I remember this feeling vividly...

I was scared to tell him too...it's hard. Especially when you don't know what his reaction will be and even harder when you want to pour your heart out but you know the feelings won't be reciprocated.

But I went with my gut and told him how I felt eventually. It took some time, but I told him. And no, this isn't a love story where I told him how I felt and he looked me in the eyes and told me he loved me back, we kissed, then went skipping through fields of flowers. That's definitely not what happened. His reaction caused tears and confusion. It wasn't what I expected. He didn't return the I love you, he didn't sympathize with me... He didn't do much. He listened and that was it. At one point, I even felt like he was falling back, so of course I regretted telling him shit! But a year and a half later, we're still here and the way he makes me feel is ineffable! Can't even begin to describe it.

Yes, ChiChi, love is definitely a crazy feeling, that requires much effort and sacrifices..

You're right Indie, it's stressing. It's like an internal battle between the heart and mind. But at the end of the it's flaws & all indeed. I'm dangerously in love. =/

Beautifully.Conjured.Up said...

Interesting thing about falling is, it happens when you least expect it.

I've been hurt badly in a previous relationship, so it takes me a while to say my true feelings, if I feel anything at all, for I'd rather keep my heart locked and protected.

Falling can be a wonderful and beautiful thing if BOTH of you are falling...it can also be a fat, ugly, stank bitch if only ONE of you are falling.

Anonymous said...

Ohhh...This was deep!!!:)

aRRe said...

My guy was doing the same thing Peggy. He knew my heart but was very nonchalant toward its feelings. When we'd be apart he'd be one way and then when we're together itd be something totally different. & it's not even like we were having sex or anything. [could that be the reason?} He'd just act in a way that would make you think..."hey...I think this guy really has the hots for me" [lol] & then in a few days you would think none of that ever happened.

I knew dude since 06' and I mean, I would explore, I'd have my lil' short term relationships w. other guys but they'd get the boot...I'd be over them in a minute. & he was always there...not to say that what we had [w.e. it was] was convenient. It just seemed as if the chemistry never left. He actually told me he loved me once...and I'm still the same ole' Ti so how could you not love me now?
idk.. He's shakey & for that I had to shake him off. I mean, I think of him daily but I just can't allow myself to get caught up in the rapture. I'm [21] too yng for that.

I'll bbs[be back soon]

xoxoxo

U BRING ME JOI said...

wow, so deep and so real... at some point if you truly care about this guy i would urge you to tell him.... he might feel the same

Fab4 said...

If I ever work up enough courage and when the time is right, I will. Right now, it's just all too scary.

INDIE

Peculiar Alex said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Peculiar Alex said...

*sigh* THE MOST ASTOUNDING BUT FRIGHTFUL FEELING IN THE WORLD... I SWEAR I MET THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF HEROIN lol IN 2003 [TOTALLY BAD NEWS] FROM THAT A SELF MADE BURDEN WAS CREATED I FORCED OTHERS TO SELFISHLY ENDURE. GAMBLED & LEARNT THEN REALIZED WHAT REAL LOVE WAS ALL ABOUT NOW THAT I EXPERIENCE W/ MY BESTFRIEND OF OVER 10YRS [FEELS KINDA GOOD TO BREAK THAT CYCLE] *clap clap* lol