FALLING...The Morning After

November 16th, a bright, cool and crisp Sunday morning after the night we first made love, not sex. Having already gotten out the bed earlier that morning to make a bowl of cereal for my child, I was not fully asleep but dozed back off.

I awoke for the second time as I felt you get out of the bed. I remain under the covers reminiscing of our love making the night before. Wondering if you felt the same connection and emotions I experienced.

My thoughts of us are based on just “wondering" because we both refuse to share and communicate what we feel for each other at this moment in time. The mixed feelings of fear, what-if’s, uncertainties, confusion, happiness, hesitation, & influences of our past experiences hold us hostage, acting as duct tape over our mouths to prevent us from spilling our feelings to one another. So for now...I wonder... make little assumptions, with the hopes that one day you will feel comfortable enough to let me know what you feel about us....about me. Hoping that I will be able to tell you "NOW....that I'm falling" ...THEN...God willingly...I’ve fell...LASTLY.... I'm In Love with you...Baby, I Love You.

November 16th, a bright, cool and crisp Sunday morning, I lay in bed watching TV, while you’re in the kitchen making tea. My child is watching Sunday cartoons. Since when did tea take so long to make? Do I hear scraping noises on a pan, as if someone is cooking? Maybe Mr. Man is just washing dishes. I'm too lazy right now to get up to see what the hell he is doing in the kitchen. I will just lay here patiently waiting for my hot tea he is preparing for me.

"Are you going to get out the bed?” Mr. Man ask. I get out from under the warm comforter and head to the kitchen area. My ears were not deceiving me after all. He made more than tea. To my pleasant surprise...he made breakfast. Scrambled eggs....whole wheat bread....slices of cheese...a hot cup of tea. I smile, instantly turned on by the breakfast he prepared. Yeah...it was just a pan of scrambled eggs he made. Nope...he didn't even toast the bread but its the simple things in life that that hold the most value to me. What made it all the more special is that he doesn’t like to cook... does not cook...but he did and we ate our Sunday breakfast together. Thanking him with a kiss after we eat, I head back to the bedroom already planning in my mind what to cook for Sunday dinner. Meatloaf?...nahhhh. Lasagna?....too much damn work that I'm not up for today. Stew chicken, cabbage, rice & black eyed peas...PERFECT! Don’t forget the Sunday dessert Indie,”reminds my internal mini-me.

Mr. Man plays video games with my child for a very short time before he leaves for work. A short goodbye kisses he gives me as I sit on the couch. He opens the apartment door. Our eyes meet as he slowly closes the door upon his exit. Now our eyes lock. He then gives me something that he gave me the first day we met.... that beautiful big smile.

He's gone.

November 16th, a bright, cool and crisp Sunday morning...the morning after...

Breathe In...Breathe Out...Inhale...Exhale...open my eyes & realize...I'm FALLING.

STAY TUNED